I was looking through my clothing so as to make a donation to the thrift store, and I realized that most of what I own doesn't look nice enough to go to a thrift store. It all looks very worn and tattered. In fact, I would say they look like rags. And I have worn every hole and tear into them with hard work. I am pretty worn, too. So how does one revitalize oneself. Can I purge something to make myself more allert and energetic? Is there some special food that brings glow and perkiness (without crossing the danger line)? Do I just need to spend a few hours at the spa, a game of tennis, maybe a stroll on the beach? How do I shake off the fatigue of a lifetime of work so that I can feel that Joie d'vivier.
I have found ways to escape and hide from stress. I can meter out my remaining energy for high priority needs. But how do I get that special bounce back, that spring in my step, that little float that comes with my head in the clouds.
I am feeling weary, and looking like my tattered old clothes.
I think I need some time off. Real time off. Away from people needing stuff. I am giving this some serious thought.
In a conversation today, I realized that I am the one who continues to say yes to other people taking up my life and energy. I have realized this before, but I always slip back into the roll of - well, mother superior. Maybe it is time to just slip out the back of the cloister and let them take care of themselves. Or better yet, take care of me. Maybe I could just stay in my room in bed all day and play games on my cell phone, talk to friends, and polish my nails. I wouldn't need any clothes for that, at least nothing nice. Maybe I could just read and knit something for myself.
Well, it is a very nice thought, selfishness. I think I feel a headache coming on. Maybe, when it goes away, I will go buy some new clothes.
I actually know that I won't do this, but sometimes just imagining it helps me feel better. Now I am off to bed for real. Tomorrow, I have a lot of stuff to do.