Making A Dream Reality

It is easy to dream of something. You can chart it out, draw pictures, plan and try to act out the characters. As many of us know, the reality does not always become what we had hoped and dreamed it would be. Sometimes it is really close and we are happy enough. Sometimes, it just misses completely what we expected. But there are a few occasions when it lives up to our hopes.
I have purchased several homes that needed help. Most of them I have fixed up while I lived in them, but never really planned on living there a long time. They were never my "dream" homes in progress. They were just fixers until the next fixer. Buying fixers is kind of a habit after awhile.
When Eduard and I bought this home, it was a fixer. I loved the lot it was on and the overall size of the home. It was right for the two of us. Unfortunately, there were 5 of us, so it was in reality- too small. We made do, though. The first phase of fixing up was the emergency treatment so that we could actually live there. It was really bad when we bought it.
The second phase was to turn it into a dream home. This part took lots of planning and would in time take lots of money. We started with the Kitchen because the kitchen fell apart and needed attention first. We did windows, gutted everything, re-wired, new cabinets, new floors, new ceiling, new lighting, new counters, new layout, new appliances- new, new, new. The Kitchen/dining area was about 1/5 of the house so we were on our way to making a dream home come true.
The kitchen has turned out to be a wonderful dream come true, after a few nightmare moments during the reconstruction. The appliances were not as wonderful as I had hoped they would be, and we are having to replace some of them already, but for the most part, after 7 years, I still love it.
The second big remodel adventure has been the living room. Like all of our projects, we start them and some disaster happens during the construction. The project ends up taking three years instead of three months. In the kitchen, I had a surgery during the remodel and it took me two years to finish the tile work. The baseboards ended the dining room at the seven year mark. I am still doing the touch up painting. So it was not a surprise that we would get the windows into the living room and my mom had a stroke. This took up lots of my time and there was no time to wait for construction people or cabinet people to give bids and return calls. But his year, at the two year mark, we had a bit of time to work on the house and pushed forward with the plans. Half of the bookcase/entertainment/carpet plan got mostly done in April. More of it got done in August. The end of it will probably get done in October. But so far, I am totally loving it. It is the living room I always knew this home would have. It is the dream come true.
I am waiting for the doors for the cabinets. But in the meantime, we have the most wonderful carpet and squishy padding for playing on the floor in front of the fireplace. We have places to put our "stuff" so that it looks organized and neat. It is a joy to keep it clean. It is airy and well ventilated. It is spacious and inviting.
Now that there are just the two of us, the house feels just the right size. And after almost 10 years, I still love it and want to stay here 'till the end.

Marking Time

I was working yesterday with my cabinet installers and one of them had done some work for me when he had just graduated from high school, 2003. We had a little reminiscence moment. But then I started to remember all the things that I have tied to that particular year. It was a really busy year- with surgery and difficult to finish projects. The kitchen started in 2003 and ended, well, yesterday. And that is only mostly done because I have touch up wall repair and painting to do still. But I could actually say that we are 99.9% done. That last little bit being such a small amount of the whole project.
I have other major events that mark time for me, too. My wedding to Eduard is coupled with the purchase of this house in my mind. It is all in the same year. My trip to Europe with my children some how got stuck in that year, but it was really the following summer.
There is a blank area of fuzzy memories which becomes really clear at the Kitchen remodel of 2003-10. Somewhere in this large date, all jumbled together, is a foot surgery, hysterectomy, neck injury, Scott's graduation from college, Bryon's foolish meltdown, the new garden beds, and Lorrie's death. The fact that Sara is starting college (moving to the dorms) and on the edge of her own stupid meltdown is like the punctuation at the end of a very long sentence. When I try to remember anything in that mess, I can't find a foothold for dates and times. Forever, Stefanie's wedding will be the year before the baseboards, instead of 2009.
So this brings me to a very important information point- Always write the date on the lid of anything you have canned. Why? Well, most home canned goods are good for one year (two if you are really brave and it is a high acid item). As we took everything out of the cabinets (so that we could do the baseboards), I found lots of stuff from 2006, 2007 and 2008. I didn't even preserve anything for 2009. That was the year of the wedding and I was too busy with stuff. But now, rather than put all this expired stuff back, I am dumping and washing. I do not want to risk any illness from my own foods when there is so much out there that is fresh and new. So I have dumped 2006 applebutter, 2007 pickle relish and 2008 applesauce.
What happened to those years that I didn't have a chance to cook with these things? I actually can't remember much of those years at all. Somewhere in there Stef bought a house, Scott went to China, and my mom had a stroke. Eduard's dad died. But aside from big punctuations, I can't remember much of the time. We built garden beds and hauled top soil- but I can't tell you when. The seasons came and went, kids moved on, chickens became dinner- but when?
This promises to be a remarkable year for Eduard and I. I will try to remember it better. It is starting with the end of the kitchen remodel and the end of childhood. It is starting with the beginning of Eduard/Jeri with no kids at home and time for each other at last. It is starting with a trip to China and some Thanksgiving Duck.
I think the end of 2010 is going to be the beginning of a very good year (s). I hope I can remember it in 2011.

Gopher!

Well, that just about says it all- except that it is really Gophers. When Eduard and I returned from Oregon, we had May, June, and July gloom to keep the garden in stasis, but we also had a gopher attack. Gopher(s) got into the raised beds- which I had not lined with wire mesh because we had never had gophers. But now we do and they are terrorizing my garden. In some ways, the tunneling and churning of the soil is good, but the eating of the roots and plants is bad. So we have launched a gopher control program.

First thing in the program was to try to trap them. Failure, dismal failure. This must be a second or third generation intelligent gopher because the traps mean nothing to it. Just covers it with dirt until it snaps, then goes around it.

So in desperation we transferred all the edible plants to an unaffected bed to see what the gopher would do next. There are plenty of weeds and grasses in other areas of the yard, so the gopher just went into another area to wait for something good to eat. Between the weather being cold for a long time and the gopher hovering under the possible vegetables, I decided not to plant anything at all. But this is just too depressing for me.

The next idea was to remove all the dirt from the beds and line them with wire like we should have in the first place. And this we have been doing. Bed one got finished one week ago, and planted with potatoes, beans, onions, garlic, and other small things. It is doing very well. The turning of the soil, with a bit of amendment and fertilizer has made it the wonderful dirt that I loved when it was new. And I am excited to have Chinese long beans climbing up my bean tower. They are the red ones and will make lovely stir fry.

The second bed got finished yesterday. It had some onions left in it, but I haven't had time yet to plant. It needs some amendment and fertilizer before I replant the onions and start the next set of plants. I am hoping for a short season pumpkin, kabocha, and some cucumbers. If we get any warm weather at all, it will be between now and November, so I am attempting some seeds that are from short season areas. Russian melons. New England pumpkin. And a Japanese Cucumber and squash. It is possible that the nights will stay dry enough that the mildew will hold off. But if not, at least I have tried.

Bed three has been dug out, but not lined with wire. That will happen over the next week and the dirt will be returned to the bed next weekend (or sooner). In the meantime, the gopher burrowed over to the herb garden that is near the patio. Must be the same guy, because the traps are useless. But I am hopeful that we will be able to corner the bugger and flush him/her out.

I hate to resort to poison, because gopher is low on the food chain and will kill the birds of prey that eat it. I am not really too concerned about the coyote who also eat gopher, rat, squirrel, rabbit, cat, dog, small children, and garbage because they are not endangered and drink the beer that I put out to kill the slugs and snails. They can eat all the poisoned rats they want.

In the meantime, I am sorting through my seeds and giggling like a child at the thought of having some vegetables again. I needed this moment in the dirt to make me feel alive.

Weary and worn

I was looking through my clothing so as to make a donation to the thrift store, and I realized that most of what I own doesn't look nice enough to go to a thrift store. It all looks very worn and tattered. In fact, I would say they look like rags. And I have worn every hole and tear into them with hard work. I am pretty worn, too. So how does one revitalize oneself. Can I purge something to make myself more allert and energetic? Is there some special food that brings glow and perkiness (without crossing the danger line)? Do I just need to spend a few hours at the spa, a game of tennis, maybe a stroll on the beach? How do I shake off the fatigue of a lifetime of work so that I can feel that Joie d'vivier.
I have found ways to escape and hide from stress. I can meter out my remaining energy for high priority needs. But how do I get that special bounce back, that spring in my step, that little float that comes with my head in the clouds.
I am feeling weary, and looking like my tattered old clothes.
I think I need some time off. Real time off. Away from people needing stuff. I am giving this some serious thought.
In a conversation today, I realized that I am the one who continues to say yes to other people taking up my life and energy. I have realized this before, but I always slip back into the roll of - well, mother superior. Maybe it is time to just slip out the back of the cloister and let them take care of themselves. Or better yet, take care of me. Maybe I could just stay in my room in bed all day and play games on my cell phone, talk to friends, and polish my nails. I wouldn't need any clothes for that, at least nothing nice. Maybe I could just read and knit something for myself.
Well, it is a very nice thought, selfishness. I think I feel a headache coming on. Maybe, when it goes away, I will go buy some new clothes.
I actually know that I won't do this, but sometimes just imagining it helps me feel better. Now I am off to bed for real. Tomorrow, I have a lot of stuff to do.

Old Dogs

Sometimes, you have to re-tool. That means learn a new skill in today's market. But it also means getting some new tools, like a new washer and dryer. OR it could mean a new computer program. Maybe even some new industrial equipment for an antiquated plant. But for me, it is a new washer and dryer and all the mental re-tooling that goes with it.
I bought some new appliances- a brand I have never used before. The room needed to be remodeled first, so I tooled up and laid down some tile. I painted, too. Then, after properly exhausting myself, I attempted to use my new washer without reading the manual. This is not a user friendly machine. It is not intuitive. When you actually fill up the machine with clothing, it is way over full. You can only really use 1/2 of the capacity. Not so super large as it was said to be.
Then, having over stuffed the washer, I needed to dry this damp stuff. Again, 2 1/2 hours of dryer time and still damp- over full. We had to take about 1/2 the clothes out to get anything dry. Did I read the manual? Of course not.
It is hard to imagine needing to mentally re-tool in order to do laundry. What is so hard about it that I have to read up and study? Still, this is a new system and I am an old dog with many years of simple machinery. I kind of expected to push a button and have my washer do the rest of the job, just like my old machine.
But, I think I am not so old that I can't figure out how to do this. I will read the manual and practice until I am able to wash clothing and dry it in a reasonable period of time. Even if I have to wash one piece at a time until I find the correct size for the washer and dryer. Eventually, I will become friends with these new GE help mates.

Winter Thoughts

For the middle of July, I am deep in Winter Thoughts. You know those dark, cold places where old issues sleep and old fears shuffle around waiting for that vulnerable moment when they can steal just a bit more of your warmth. It doesn't help that our weather has been more winter than summer, too. Today there is no drizzle, but it is overcast and cold again. The fruit is rotting on the trees and the trees are starting to go dormant. There has been no sun, no warmth and they are thinking winter thoughts also.
My dark places have been stirring and it is hard to keep them quiet. This is because of events during the last couple of days that have turned some of our world into a strange dance full of tears and sadness, confusion, and rushing to try to figure out how to re-arrange things. Sara's mother died.
Sara is my step-daughter and now she is a partial orphan. Eduard has stepped up to be a full time dad, but Sara's step-dad is having issues with this. It is hard for him to let go of the control of Sara he has had for the last 8 years. And it is hard for Sara to let go of her mom's house, stuff, ways of doing things, routines. She is trying very hard to figure out who she is and what she needs to do. All of this stress and confusion has created that moment of vulnerability that encourages those dark moments to come forward.
But we are pushing back and trying to keep the world moving toward "functionality". So as I look out on another gloomy, cold summer day, I am thinking about Sara starting school in 6 weeks- College. Dorms. Holidays. Hustle and bustle. I am thinking about my room remodel in stasis, my garden in dormancy, my laundry that died, my wool that wants washing, my various appointments and projects. It is keeping me busy enough to ward off much of the darkness.
But sometimes, when I am alone, I hear the dark thoughts calling me. I have decided to knit them a pair of socks- Winter Thoughts socks. At least their feet will be warm while they whine at me.

My Discoveries, finds and prizes

I am back and tired and still unpacking. I had a wonderful time. I want to do it again in about a year.
This year, again, we found the lovely honey lady- Jackie Vandersys- and bought some delicious honey from Bear Mountain Honey. Yum. Always a high light of our trip. The honey is part of our constant reminders of our trip as I make granola, bread and desserts from it all year.
And of course, there is fleece- three part fleeces this year. I bought fleece and split it with people for the first time, so that I could have more than one color. I had determined that I could only have one fleece this year and it was all so pretty. So I have 1/2+1/2+1/3= 1 because the gray one was very small.
Then I did some shopping for friends- roving, roving, buttons, sparkle, roving, roving. I spread a bit of joy in Oregon and some down here. So now I am sprinkling the gifts out a bit at a time as I find my friends.
I also did some unusual shopping in Eugene. We had an opportunity to visit a thrift store where I found a yarn score for $1.50! But that was just a little diversion. The big fun was the fiber swap. We scheduled it for 5ish and it was over by 5:15p. People came with fiber rejects and left with a new toy. I put some alpaca, Shetland, mohair, white weaving yarn, Wensleydale curls, and misc. stuff out on the table and a pound+ of cotton roving with a bundle of possum snuggled itsway into my bag. Now I have a bunch of fun to play this summer. Well, to be honest- many summers before I even get half way through it. I truly have a fiber overload. But that is not all the fun we had.
After we left Oregon, we headed to the Big Tree. The redwoods were calling us to visit, so we camped in Prarrie Creek State park and walked with the giants. They are so beautiful. I wish I had managed to get up there earlier in my life. I would love to be able to hike more in the trees. We saw elk and slept next to a babbling stream. It was just the beginning of mosquito season so we were able to sit out for part of the evening without too much distress. It was cool and overcast most of our trip, but very pleasant anyway. We walked through some of the trails, saw bannana slugs, examined lovely wild flowers, then wandered on. Humbolt. Eureka. and eventually Petaluma.
Petaluma was quite a find in itself. I never realized how lovely that little town is. We went into the old part of town to the Seed Bank- Baker Creek Heirloom seeds west coast store. I just love their seed collections and I found some lovely short season items for my weird weather. They turned us on to a great yarn store and Thai restaurant, Knitterly and Sea, two separate locations. But the thought of a yarn store/restaurant is appealing.
At Knitterly, we found some size 0 bamboo circs on sale, a lovely glass button to match my thrift store yarn, and some sparkly stuff for my spinning projects. While we were there we chatted about their roving collection (mostly for felting) and that they were having a dye workshop that weekend. They clued us in on a great hotel nearby.
Then we ate some of the best Thai food I have had at Sea. A black noodle dish with pork was probably my favorite. It was a bit like Pad Thai, but with wide noodles that were made of Wild rice. Lots of vegetables too. Everything was very fresh and home made tasting. Yum- just from the memory.
On the last day, we hit a few wineries in the Sonoma/Carneros region. We snagged a Pinot Noir or two, and a couple of bottles of California Olive Oil. Best find- Fig Balsamic Vinegar. Now I know what is going to happen to this year's fig crop.
Then we came home and, LO!, there is a pile of stuff on the floor. The laundry is done. The bulk of stuff is put away, but there is still a pile waiting for some attention. And the yard is screaming for some weeding/mowing and fruit picking. Work. more work. and a moment to remember the fun parts. But I have to say that I am really enjoying those fun parts. Every time I sniff the fleece, I drift back to the trip. It was really nice.